Moving Forward
by rolrk
Summary: You're not supposed to be here. And out of all the stories you had to be reborn into, it just had to be a shoujo anime. (Reincarnation fic)
1. Chapter 1

A/N: _I didn't name the character so you are free to think that this is you._

I can't believe I'm doing this. I would say this is a self-insert but it really isn't. All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. No pairings so far. I'm signing my own death warrant lmao. oh god just what am i doing

* * *

**In-Between**

"… _I died?"_

_I sat across Ghost who continued to sip his tea. I had one as well but I didn't really feel like drinking._

"_Yes, you did." His voice sounded muffled from the cup but it was audible enough._

_The escalators around us groaned, shifting different souls to different destinations. Ghost and I sat at the very middle. None of the glowing corporeal bodies riding the flight of steps paid us much mind as we continued our discussion. "What's going to happen to me?" I asked out of curiosity. It was weird… I was bleeding by the neck and stomach but I don't feel a thing. Maybe it was because it was so cold in here. I felt very numb._

_Ghost peered at me through his messy black locks before setting his cup down. "… It's been a while since we've had a conscious soul. Most people are unaware of this stage." It took me a while to notice that neither of our cups of tea had steam billowing out. For some reason, it made me feel uneasy._

"_So… What does that mean…?"_

"_It means you get a chance to live twice," He murmured, "Or so it goes. You won't be able to rest until you find what you've been missing in your past life. You'll be repeating the process of life and death until you understand."_

"_W-What? Did I do something wrong?" I whipped my head up in alarm,_

_It was small, but I could see a smile on his face. "No. You didn't. And that's why…"_

* * *

**Moving Forward**

* * *

**Present Life**

I held a firm belief that there was nothing after death.

Thoughts of such seemed silly back then since I was not the religious type. My priority was always my family. After high school, my friends went off to college while I had to work for money. Three minimum wage jobs to help my mother with the rent, plus I had to pay the tuition for my little brother's school. I used my free days to work extra hours, and then afterwards I'd spend my time in the bookstore to read the unwrapped books at the back shelves. I'd stay there until five in the evening before I go back home to cook for the family. All in all, I could say I had a good life. I was more or less content if my life stopped there.

But as the saying goes, life went on. I thought to myself as I stared at the vast blackness before me. I couldn't feel my hands or feet but I knew I was still there. It was a little frightening. At some point I wondered, _why am I still thinking when I'm already dead?_

That's when it started. The pull, the unfathomable feeling of constriction—

I breathed, I gasped, I struggled against some unfamiliar grip.

There were screams, sounding shrill and cracked. It took me a moment to realize that the screaming was coming from _me_. All at once, my senses came back. I choked down the horrible stench that invaded my nostrils. I squirmed, feeling sticky and disgusted; all covered in _something _I couldn't recognize. I gagged from the taste that entered my mouth. I felt filthy.

I couldn't open my eyes (not yet). All I could see were orange, red, and partly blue—bleary veins, bleary colours. My tongue licked over my palate and touched nothing but gums _(oh no—no nonono please _no_). _Someone began to tuck me in a soft blanket after wiping away the muck that was pasted on my skin. I was then moved elsewhere, the light hitting harshly against my closed eyes.

"_Félicitations,"_ A low, amused voice spoke, _"Vous avez un petit fille en parfaite santé. Comment s'appelle-t-elle?"_

"Rei," A soft voice rumbled against me; a woman's voice. _"Elles s'appellent Rei_."

The roaring in my ears did nothing to help calm my nerves. All I wanted to do was cry, and cry was what I did. I didn't know if it's because I was a baby, or because of the situation itself. I was probably crying for both reasons. Someone murmured hushes in my ear but I ignored it. Too many thoughts were crashing through my mind in great haste. Questions of belief, an abundant amount of confusion—_No, _was what I kept repeating to myself, _this can't be real._

I knew I died, I knew _how _I died. I remembered it all too clearly. The pain that shot through my system the minute that knife entered my throat_ (I choked, I recalled choking on my own blood and I couldn't ask for help) _and slashed through my stomach _(three times, I barely registered anything after that). _Yeah, it was gruesome but the memories were still fresh.

Nevertheless I was now a newly-born infant. Reincarnated.

I don't know much about religion but I'm fairly sure reincarnation usually wiped out all your memories (clean slate, tabula rasa) before you were shoved back into your new life. And yet I knew who I was before I died; what my likes and dislikes were, how much money I earned after a tired week of work, when my original birthday was, who my family was, what I bought at the convenience store before I was assaulted (two cups of instant noodles, an energy drink, and a box of cheese crackers for my little brother).

Of course, I don't really have any right to question or complain the process of rebirth. How the cycle works is something that would probably be an enigma to me until I receive my second death. Or have I been reincarnated many times before? This is becoming confusing.

But enough of that. Being a philosopher won't change the situation I landed in. It was safe to say I was in the country of France, given their nasal accent and their flowing words. Their language is very distinguishable just like the endearing roughness of Italian, and the sharp intonations of German. Sometimes I would catch my caretakers speaking English as well so it gave me a bit of comfort.

Yes, I said caretakers. It took a few days before I got to open my eyes and unclench my little fists but I caught fleeting images of maids ushered to and fro. _Maids_. I've never had maids before. It was only mom and I who took care of my brother. I could count at least five over the past few days, and not a sign of my new mother. At one point I mistook the head maid as my new mother since she was always present by my cot. I entertained the idea that she had died during childbirth, but then it became clearer and clearer that she wasn't dead. She just didn't have the time to come by the west wing to meet her new baby girl.

I heard gossips from the maids, "Milady is off somewhere, always so busy." I figured it was work, just like my new father. I have yet to see any of them during my time here and it was a little upsetting. I haven't even seen what I looked like in front of the mirror. The maids were the ones who dressed, changed my diapers, fed me, and provided me milk. As much as I was grateful for not getting any breastfed milk (I'd rather not think about it, period), I was worried about the consequences. I remembered Health class in high school and the importance of milk from mothers that fought off infection and illnesses.

Still, the maids didn't seem too iffy about it so I only hoped they knew what they were doing. One thing I did learn from all of this was my name. It didn't sound French or English—it sounded Japanese. My new name was Tanaka Rei. It couldn't get any more common than that. The surname Tanaka is best described as the Mr Smith of the Japanese folk.

The commonness of the name was a huge contrast to the family I was born into. I wasn't sure if I've hit the jackpot in the reincarnation cycle. I mean most people would think that way. But I assure you, it isn't as perfect as it seems. Let me explain in better detail. There is a big difference from my first life to my new life. First is the money. I am not joking when I say the Tanaka family is _filthy rich. _I know it's stupid of me to feel wrong about it, but I just wasn't used to the wealth and extravagance behind the family name. Everything felt off, wrong. It was like I stole someone's life away. I felt like an imposter.

Second was the fact that I am an only-child. I have no younger or older siblings to interact with in this ridiculously enormous house. I haven't even seen my mother and father and it took roughly around a month or two before I actually had a glimpse of them. Tanaka Hideo was what every entrepreneur strived to be: rich, powerful, and filled with grandeur. He knew his business like the back of his hand, and how to please potential partners in the corporate world. In short, he was an ideal businessman but not an ideal father.

The only days I've seen Hideo was when I was brought to parties hosted in our very own mansion and shown off like a prized trophy. Tanaka Rei, the future heiress of the Tanaka family. Dressed in a ridiculously frilly dress for babies, I was introduced to his clients and partners. "And this is my daughter Rei," He would always tell them. There would be cooing, and silly faces. I didn't respond since I didn't have teeth yet. That was something I'm not excited about… teething.

My mother wasn't Japanese, but part-French. That explains the living in France part—her name was Marie Dufaure. Contrary to my earlier belief, she didn't go off to work. No, she spent most of her time attending luxurious fashion shows and dinner parties. She was the Daisy Buchanan of the family: young, beautiful, and so full of life. But she was inexperienced. She married Hideo out of a summer fling, thinking it was true love. She wasn't ready for commitment. Marie didn't know how to be a mother, and so she left the job to the maids.

That's pretty much it about the Tanaka family. I didn't think of it too much of it since I never pictured them to be 'my parents'. I had my own family back in my first life, and they are irreplaceable. Most of my days consisted of being doted on by the maids. It was something I wasn't used to. I didn't appreciate being babied—after all, I was a grown woman on the inside.

So unlike the rest of the entire infant population, I rarely giggled and gargled over my own spit. I was quiet, a lot more restrained than the usual baby. I don't cry like them, but I did move around uncomfortably when I'm sitting on my own dump. That's one of the bad things about being young again. You can't control your bladder. When you want to tinkle, it just comes. When you want to take a dump—you get the point.

Skipping all that aside, I'd rather not bore you about my younger infant days but get on to the real story. Now you know who I am, who my family was, what sort of economic background I now hail from. I tried to make a good summary of my situation and I hope it helped clear things up.

_Let's talk about what was wrong with this world I now lived in._

I didn't really pay attention to my surroundings until later on when I could see much clearer. Probably around a year since I've arrived in this life, past all those blurry memories of eating, drinking milk, doing my business, bathing, and moving around in my crib. The mansion for one was impossibly big. I'm not bragging or anything, but I'm pretty sure even billionaires don't have this kind of house. Second was the fine, thick lines that covered every person I've seen so far. It's almost as if they were distinguished like drawn characters. Imagine my surprise when I finally found out what exactly was wrong about my new life. A shoujo anime, who would have guessed? (Hint: not me.)

It was one of those rare occasions where I was carted off to the east wing where my father's office was. The door that led to his room was intimidating, furbished mahogany with brass hinges. The room was as dark as its door with maroon carpets, and velvet drapes. Old books were stacked high up to the ceiling, covered in dust, and Hideo sat behind his desk. He was talking on the phone, alternating between English and Japanese.

"… To be married_… yes, of course_… Heir of… visiting today..."

There were wooden blocks that were piled on top of the fluffy beige carpet which I suspect must be as expensive as that vase near the bookshelves. By the way, I could walk a bit now. My legs were too stubby for me to walk all the way but I could stand for a few minutes before falling on the plush floor. But I'm a mean crawler if that makes up for it.

Out of boredom, I tried making a tower out of the numerous blocks while glancing at Hideo. He had that charming smirk on his face which meant he was either taking care of a deal or things were going the way he wanted it to be. "_Of course, Suou-sama._ I've arranged everything to your liking. _Yes, thank you. _Yuzuru and Tamaki _will be arriving soon_."

I paused, looking back at Hideo curiously. He stood up from his seat and strolled towards the tall window behind him. Pushing the curtains aside, he peeked through the thin slip and nodded. "Ah, they're here." _What—_who was here? Did I hear that right? No, no I was probably confused over his Japanese-speak. I was probably being an idiot.

I tried to focus on finishing my tower of wooden blocks but I knew something was wrong. _I just don't know what._

I didn't have to wait any longer when I heard a soft knocking on the door. A butler excused himself and announced the arrival of our new guests. I didn't dare try to peak at the guests. I had a feeling, but I'd rather not jump into conclusions. _Don't be stupid, they're not real. You only read the books years ago. Fiction, it's fiction._ I was feeling a little hysterical as my grip on the blocks tightened.

Hideo, graceful as always, drifted towards the door to greet the guests. He spoke in rapid Japanese, _"Yuzuru, it has been too long."_

"_Yes, how've you been? Is Marie in? I heard about your newest deal. Congratulations."_

"_Things have been fine. Marie is in Paris again, you know how she is."_ Hideo faked a chuckle_. "… I trust Sophie is well?"_ His voice lowered as if not wanting to anger anyone. He sounded fairly sincere.

"_Ah… yes. Mother's been more forgiving now that… this arrangement is in order. She hasn't bothered speaking to Sophie yet but I'm sure she'll accept her soon."_ The man who Hideo was talking to seemed to be in pain.

"… _It's for the good of the companies, and also to your family. At least you are able to see her now. Things will go well, don't worry old friend." _There was a short pause, before a shuffling of feet.

"Papa?" A small voice called out from the hall, I glanced at them before fixing my blocks. I inwardly prayed Hideo wouldn't ask for me so I can introduce myself. I just couldn't get the weird feeling off my chest. Their family butler handed the young heir to his father's arms. "My beautiful boy," I heard the father murmur, before his words drowned away from the kisses he gave to his son. I felt a short spark of jealousy before I turned to my blocks. Suddenly, I didn't feel like finishing my tower. Do all my biological fathers have to be so distant from me?

"Rei," Hideo called me from the door. "Come meet your new friend."

Damn. Maybe I should have played dumb and not walk for the maids two weeks ago. I pursed my lips and put the blocks down. I turned around, catching sight of a short blonde boy clinging to his well-dressed father. I could practically feel my fingers sweat in nervousness._ It's only a coincidence. They're just here to_ _visit. They're not who you think they are. Breathe in, breathe out, man._

I repeated it like a mantra as I marched towards them cautiously with short, wobbly steps. How Hideo could walk so gracefully was beyond me. By the time I was right in front of the guests, my own father picked me up so I could see the boy clearly. And let me just say that I was literally gobsmacked.

"Rei, this Tamaki Suou, heir of the Suou family. He's going to be your new playmate from now on."

… Arranged marriage. Heir of Suou family_- Oh shit. _

I could feel myself paling_._ "He-llo," Tamaki smiled shyly, speaking in English before switching to his native tongue. _"E-_ _Enchae!" _His words dissolved into giggles before squirming against Yuzuru's grip._  
_

His eyes glimmered in contrast to the dark walls of Hideo's office. I could feel my father urging me to say something, but I just couldn't. Yuzuru glanced at me in concern before shooting a questioning look to Hideo. And Tamaki clung to his father patiently. I opened my mouth.

"What."

So much for first impressions.

* * *

[1] _Félicitations, v__ous avez un petit fille en parfaite santé. Comment s'appelle-t-elle? _- Congratulations, you have a healthy baby girl. What is her name?

[2] _Rei. __Elles s'appellent Rei._ - Rei. Her name is Rei.

[3] E-Enchae (_Enchantée!) - _Pleased to meet you.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews. wasn't very sure of my story but I'm glad you all like it!

This might be a little slow-paced but at least you get to see toddler Tamaki. u:

* * *

**First Life**

"Give me your wallet,"

In movies, most assaults start out like this. Although on screen they tend to be loud, in real life it's quite the contrary. You have a knife or a gun pointed at you and the assaulter would keep their tone down to be discreet. In this case, he had pushed me from the convenience store camera to an alleyway near the garbage bins with a pocket knife aimed at my throat.

My eyes darted from the knife to the man in front of me. It was a little rusty, and there was a bit of white powder on its tip.

_Shit._ That better not be what I think it is.

I racked my brain to think of a coherent answer but of course, it was a little hard when you have a knife pressed on your neck. "I said _give me your wallet_," The skinny man repeated, gripping the knife tightly. I found myself sucking in my breath. His eyes were dilated (not the good kind), and his breath reeked. _He's high._ I'm a hundred percent sure he was high.

"O-Okay, okay—I'll get my wallet," I spluttered and kept my eyes on him as I fumbled through my pockets to hand out what he wanted. Out of all the days to be robbed, it just had to be on my pay day. Juggling three jobs right after high school isn't exactly my dream life but it's the only way to pay the rent and support my family. Not that I was complaining, life was good despite our money problems and the neighborhood we lived in. Since dad left, it's just me, my mom and my little brother.

I bit back a grimace and handed over my dirty brown wallet. The man kept one hand on my shoulder (if you want to know, it's the hand that's holding the knife), and the other looking through my cash. He kept glancing behind his shoulder, and it made me wonder if he was aware enough to check out for cops or something. I soon realized he wasn't looking for cops, but at the balding man loitering beside a white Toyota car. His hands were crossed, and it looked like he was waiting for something.

"Where's the rest of your money?" The assaulter's voice snapped me back to reality. "This isn't enough, I need more cash!" He growled, remembering to keep his voice low. "I _need_ my coke." The man was practically _seething _in anger_. _As much as I wanted to say something, I had to keep my mouth shut if I wanted to live.

But of course, life wasn't particularly kind today.

Everything happened too fast. The drug dealer wouldn't accept the money unless it was the right amount, and the crackhead went nuts. He threw the money on the ground and in anger; he lashed out on whoever was conveniently in front of him. A.k.a. me. I don't think he understood the gravity of the situation until he became sober. But I'd rather not talk about the guy who stole my life away.

I was bleeding on the damn floor, and I've been stabbed five times. I couldn't scream for help because the first thing he targeted was my throat before he moved over to my stomach. (If you're wondering how I knew later on, I now have a birthmark on my stomach that suspiciously look like knife stabs; two marks overlapping each other.)

Also just to mention, choking on one's blood is the worst way to go. My eyes prickled over the agonizing pain, and I didn't exactly recall much after that. The last thing I remembered was someone screaming profanity before I succumbed to my inevitable death.

And that's how I died. No teary goodbyes on my deathbed, no last words, nothing.

To be honest, it was a little pathetic.

* * *

**In-Between**

"_Hello."_

_I clutched my stomach to stop the flow of blood. I was too scared to look up since my throat was bleeding as well._

_The man crouched down in front of me and all I could do was stare back at his dull grey eyes._

"_My name is Ghost."_

* * *

**Present Life**

I forgot to mention how I knew about Ouran. In my first life I used to read some opened mangas and novels in the bookstores. The Ouran series happened to be one of the books that weren't wrapped in plastic. I didn't have the luxury to collect mangas back then since most of my money went to bills. Now back to the point at hand, let's return to what happened after my impolite response.

I apologized immediately after but I'm betting Hideo would lecture me later about the importance of guests and always being at my best behaviour. (Well, as much as you can lecture to a one-year old.) Either way I introduced myself to Tamaki and shook his tiny hand before inviting him over to play blocks with me. I had a feeling Hideo and Yuzuru wanted to talk alone so we moved over to my unimpressive tower. It was a little depressing that Tamaki doesn't understand the importance of this meeting, that we might actually be wedded for the sake of business partnership (which by all means I completely disagree on).

I couldn't help but watch at the corner of my eye as to what _the fuck_ Hideo or Yuzuru were thinking.

I mean seriously, there is no doubt that Yuzuru would just let Tamaki marry a girl he barely knows. Didn't he fall in love with Tamaki's mom despite his arranged marriage? He out of all people would be _against_ this idea. I mean sure they're crafty enough to play matchmaker to kids who barely knew the concept of romantic love, but still!

This was TAMAKI SUOU. I am NOT, and will NEVER BE Fujioka Haruhi who by the way is the future wife of this little blonde fuzz ball to my right. And speaking of the kid… he is putting a block in his mouth. _Oh come on-_

Isn't he coherent enough to know not to put foreign objects in his mouth? Was he still teething?_  
_

I took the block away from him and shook my head slowly, "… No."

He was smart enough to blush in embarrassment. _Yeah, that's what I thought._

I'm assuming we were both the same age. I don't talk much since I wasn't sure when do babies usually speak so I followed Tamaki's lead. He was smart enough to know a few words. He wasn't fluent in English as much as he was fluent in French so we tried our best to communicate with each other despite the language barrier. He was hesitant at first, I had a feeling I was probably the first kid he's ever met. But he sort of warmed up and like all children, decided to play with the blocks instead of finishing the tower I made over boredom. I aimed my finger at some plushies and he chirped out the words _'le chat' _and '_le chien' _which were cat and dog in French respectively.

So while I pointed at things and made him learn English such as 'chair' 'carpet' 'papa' and all sorts of words, he in return did the same thing in French. It calmed my nerves a bit but it didn't help the onslaught of questions that began to pile up in my mind. First question that popped in my head was, _'Why am I in an anime?' _Second was,_ 'Ouran? Really? Why couldn't it be a more badass show or book like Harry Potter?' _

'_I suppose a slow-paced comedy romance is a lot better than living in a world with constant life or death situations,_' I mused. The best way to survive a living romcom is to simply evade all the stupid cliché and that was something I am more than willing to do.

. . .

All jokes aside, I didn't know what I was doing here. What was the purpose of me being born in this world? None. The plot doesn't need a girl like me to give everyone some character development. In fact, I'm certain that's Haruhi's job. _No, wait—how am I sure that I'm following the canon timeline? What if Kyouya was an only child? What if there were no twins and only Hikaru or Kaoru existed? What if… What if _Haruhi_ never existed? _Ugh, just thinking about it makes my stomach churn.

I scrunched my eyebrows and murmured the word, 'book' while holding a fairy tale storybook. Tamaki happily responded _'livre'_ as he clapped his tiny hands.

_Smart kid, he needs more credit. _

What was the point in giving me future knowledge of a… of a romcom anime? There were no lives needed to be saved, no evil to fight. _At least, as far as I know._ I snorted at the thought. Rich folks had enough money to get themselves out of trouble. None of the Host Club members were in dire need of help and as far as I remembered, everything worked out in the end. _A happily ever after,_ a small bitter thought bubbled up in me. It was gone the moment it came.

_I'm such an idiot. I'm probably being too egotistic._ I glanced at Hideo and Yuzuru's retreating back before focusing on the book I held. 'Mother Goose Rhymes' was printed on its surface with faded ink.

And yet I couldn't shake the nagging doubt that there was something more to my situation that it appears to be.

* * *

Every time Yuzuru had business meetings with Hideo, he would always bring Tamaki to our estate. He'd drop the little blonde boy off to the west wing (where my room was) before heading to Hideo's private office. Tamaki's assigned butler would be stationed by the door while the Tanaka maids would aid us with block building, arts n' crafts, and storytelling. This went on for several months, around once or twice a week depending on our fathers.

I didn't know why Yuzuru had to keep visiting the Tanaka estate but I figured it had something to do with legal contracts and issues that needed to be dealt with. Or in other words, they had to deal with the finer details of the arranged marriage that would someday tie two enormous corporations together. (I'm assuming Tanaka is an enormous corporation if Yuzuru and Anne-Sophie are actually _agreeing_ to do this.)

Tamaki was… Tamaki was an adorable kid yes, but it was difficult to picture him as that flamboyant and charismatic president of the future Host Club. However, his energetic nature seemed to have melted many hearts of the Tanaka maids and whenever he fell flat on his face they would immediately wipe his tears away from his rosy cheeks. I think most of the maids were just happy to see a _normal_ toddler for once seeing as how I acted quite the opposite.

_Would you look at that? Not even in school yet and he's already taken the hearts of the entire maid population._ Amused, I looked up from the storybook I was reading. Dr. Seuss, if anyone was curious. Tamaki was waving his paint-covered hands towards my direction, "Rei! Reiiii! Bleuuu!"

"Would young miss like to try finger-painting?" said the maid next to Tamaki. She spoke with that silly lilt that people would often give to children. Tamaki hobbled towards my direction, hands still waving. _Ah crap-!_ I slid the book away from Tamaki's wet hands and tried to hold onto his wrists before any of the paint dribbled down on me. I knew from experience how frustrating it was to wash away paint from fabric (a short jab of pain, _no no don't think of your little brother_).

Tamaki chortled and proceeded to smear paint on my bare arms, "Bleu 'Ei!" _Argghhh! _The maids didn't bother helping at all because they were too busy _'awwww'_-ing. I swiftly turned to Tamaki's butler who was attempting to hide a snort. _So much for hired help,_ I inwardly thought before finally sighing.

If I was going to be stuck with this guy until high school (By then, I bet all his attention would go to Haruhi. Note to self: buy Haruhi a thank you present if that's the case!) then I really had to get used to his behaviour. I stood up and led the boy back to the table where his art was left to dry. Tamaki craved for more attention than all the kids I knew (which was only one, and my little brother was definitely not this needy).

_Face it, this kid is growing on you._

The maid handed me some papers before watching us (mainly Tamaki) paint. Tamaki proceeded to paint some sort of yellow 'W'.

I looked at the paper before me and shrugged. _Oh well,_ _I was never good at art anyway._

I haven't been able to see Tamaki's mother yet, but I have seen my mother every now and then. Marie would sometimes stay for lunch or pop in for a visit at the west wing before she would leave to Paris. She would pinch Tamaki's cheeks and whisper at us adoringly. _'Oh you two are so delightful. How I would love to be young again'._ You'd think twice if you were in my position, I wanted to reply. Being young meant no sense of privacy when you bathe.

Whenever Tamaki didn't come over during the mornings, the estate would always be dead quiet. Marie would go to wherever she went, while Hideo either stayed in the east wing or would leave at whatever time his job needed him.

The amount of maids flocking over me began to diminish as the months pass. They had other duties to attend to such as doing their usual rounds to clean the manor, take care of errands and so on. Both maids and butlers were segregated, each having a job to work on. Hideo would often be followed by his valet. Marie had her own assistance during her usual sprees.

And I had my own personal maid, Agnes.

Agnes was a middle-aged woman, widowed. She had stepped down as the head maid to take care of the heiress of the Tanaka family. Although she seemed to have a reputation to scold many of the household servants, she never hesitated to fuss over little things about Tamaki and me. If our buttons weren't fixed in the right order, or if we had a bit of soup stain on our clothes, she'd take care of it instantly. She was more of a mother to me than Marie ever was. Agnes was like a grandmother I never had.

Still, there were times such as rainy days where I find myself wandering around my room. My birthdays came and went (extravagant party, numerous gifts of things I don't need from people I don't know, stuffed toys are stacking up at the playroom corner, Marie sent her regards through dresses and rare goodnight kisses). Being three meant I had free reign to stay in my room with no maid hovering behind me. I could finally read the English novels that sat by my bookshelves without having to look over my shoulder.

The lack of doing anything was getting on my nerves. I looked forward to the days when old Agnes would bring me out of my bedroom to explore the long halls of the Tanaka manor, and on rare occasions to the back garden. The Tanaka Estate's garden was perhaps the most beautiful thing I've ever seen; topiaries, water fountains, tall bush mazes, hedges trimmed to _perfection_. It wouldn't surprise me if the family business was gardening.

I never went to anywhere special in my first life so walking to the back garden was probably like Disneyland to me. Plus it was a lot better than being cooped up in the manor. Other than that, there wasn't much to do during my earlier years.

Things started to pick up its pace the minute Tamaki turned four. Most of his birthday parties were private due to the issue with his grandmother, Shizue Suou who I have yet to meet. The good news was I got to go over to their French manor (Their main estate was situated in Japan while Yuzuru seemed to have bought a chateau for his lover and son. However, the manor itself was branded as a vacation home for the Suou family) where Tamaki currently lived in. The drive from Tanaka's estate to theirs took roughly around 40 minutes.

Maybe it was because of my small height, or it was because of the laws of anime physics-meaning there was no law- but Tamaki's house was _huge_ (I'm hoping for the former reason than the latter).

So while my main reason for coming to the Suou chateau was for Tamaki's birthday…

… It was also the first time I met Tamaki's infamous mother, Anne-Sophie.


	3. Chapter 3

Taking out 'in-between' and 'present life'. 'In-between' dialogues are all italicized, just in case you haven't found out.

Also I made 2006 the year when Haruhi joined the host club because that's when the anime started.

* * *

"_W-Where am I?"_

"_This is where judgement takes place."_

* * *

The 8th of April, Tamaki Suou's fourth birthday.

"Rei~!" Tamaki chirped, pushing through the sea of Suou household servants. I was abruptly tackled and spun around. Each time we met, his embraces would double its force. I simply dismissed as a part of being a growing boy. "You came to my birthday! I'm so happy~~!"

_Pff, you're always happy._ I cracked up an eyebrow and gave a small smile, "Of course I'd come. Happy birthday."

Gone was the child who spoke in phrases, he was now old enough to form friendships and sentences. The minute he learned the word 'friend' in French, he called me _'mon amie'_ for an entire month. It was a good thing children got tired of things easily. Immediately after his eagerness died down, Tamaki settled for my one syllable name, 'Rei'.

His father, Yuzuru Suou followed him closely behind with his arms outstretched. "Hideo, Marie, welcome to our humble abode!" said the brunette, "Glad of you to join us on the celebration of our son's birthday!"

_Humble indeed,_ I commented to myself, nodding. I looked over Tamaki's shoulder and noted the extravagant displays of century old paintings and exotic plants. If the Tanaka household prided themselves with discreet mashes of European and Japanese aristocracy, the Suou household was as flamboyant as its main heir. There were no specific themes but all of the furniture complimented each other, creating an artistic appeal.

"It's about time too," Marie chimed, "I was beginning to wonder when you'll drop those ghastly private parties. Tamaki's birthday should be celebrated publicly!"

There was a flash of irritation that gleamed in Hideo's eyes, but he strained a smile at his wife's incompetency. The attention shifted from Marie to Hideo.

"Dear, you know the Suou family has been scrutinized under the high society's ever watchful eye." Hideo's voice lowered as he pulled Marie closer, "We've agreed never to talk about such things once we've stepped into their home. Isn't that right?" Marie bit her lip and turned to Yuzuru apologetically.

The young wife was about to open her mouth when a lovely red rose was thrust into view. Blinking, she slowly took the rose out of the older Suou's hand. "Nonsense, Marie here was merely concerned over Tamaki's welfare. We both know how fond he is of his playmate. Lovely to see you again, Mrs. Marie." Yuzuru's eyes crinkled in soft fondness before swooping in to kiss her dainty hand. The young wife promptly blushed and thanked him.

I stood by the side-lines, watching their exchange. Tamaki was too busy gushing over the silliest things, which I knew I should have been listening in—but it was hard to do so whenever things like this usually happen. Marie and Hideo would always have a tense relationship. I was sure even Yuzuru could sense it.

"Rei!" Tamaki hurriedly tugged my pale blue sleeves.

I blinked and swept away the hair out of my face, "Mm?"

"Listen to me!" He pouted his rosy cheeks, swaying my arm back and forth. "I said I'm gonna give you a grand tour!"

"Sorry, sorry." I replied, feeling a little guilty. "Lead away, Tamaki."

Tamaki nodded vigorously and waved off the servants. On his way out, he told his father where we'd be going.

Temper tantrums like this would only escalate further if I didn't oblige to his requests. I have never been good with conflicts so for now I'd just let him do whatever as long as he doesn't get into trouble (which is usually most of the time due to his strong sense of 'adventure'). I trailed behind Tamaki as he launched into an explanation about the vacation manor he lived in. I didn't really expect anything too detailed since he was only four years old but even he understood that this was only an extension of the large estate his family owned. He would occasionally point out some of the halls and rooms he was familiar with.

"That's the servant's hall! _Maman_ visits there sometimes!" Tamaki sang, skipping happily across the marble flooring. His hands were pointing everywhere, "And then that's where papa works! And that's the library! _Maman_ reads me stories there-Oh! That door leads to the garden! Let's play there later, Rei!"

A few of the servants bowed as we made our way down the hall. I sent a sheepish nod, while Tamaki never failed to wave back. Even though it's been three years, I still wasn't used to their services of being at every beck and call. The Suou servants were a lot more present than the Tanaka ones. The latter would ghost the corridors every now and then, but it was either Agnes or Hideo's personal valet who I'd see most of the time.

There was a spark in Tamaki's eyes before he hauled me with his two hands, "Let's go to the piano parlour! _Maman_ might be there!" He pulled and pulled, and my sensitive three year old skin was turning red underneath his clenched fingers.

"Okay-Slow down, Tamaki—you're hurting me," I commented a bit tiredly, patting his hands to ease his grip. Where does he get all his energy?

His confident steps slowed down in concern. Tamaki's cheeks burned in shame as the light in his eyes dimmed, "Ah— _d-désolé, Rei…!_"

_There it is._ "No, it's fine," I said to relieve his thoughts. His grip on my sleeves slackened in slight relief but there was still a hint of worry on his face.

"Don't worry, we're still friends." I patted him on the head. The light in his eyes and the skip on his step returned. In spite of being a cheerful kid, there were times where he didn't know how to go about. Weird, I know. He was _Tamaki_. He was supposed to be the bubbling, charismatic boy not the self-doubting boy.

But being his first friend meant his first for everything. As a result of the tight issue regarding his mother and the main branch of the family (which they were now doing their best to resolve by the help of the Tanakas), he never interacted with children at his age. It was amazing enough how friendly and loud he could act at one minute, then carefully treading on eggshells the next. It was a weird contradicting issue to his personality.

_As far as I know, that never happened in the story. A little dumb but he was just a straight up good kid. His mother must have done quite an impact._

I followed him as he pushed open the door. The parlour was quaint with rose-coloured walls and two enormous windows. The curtains were pushed aside, shedding much light into the room. In the middle of it all was a white grand piano. There were chairs stacked by the sides in case there were any spectators. A woman sat by the piano seat playing a slow, relaxing melody. The moment I caught sight of her, I knew she was Tamaki's mother.

I have yet to see a woman as pretty as Anne-Sophie. Even the lavish pearls and diamonds that adorned my mother Marie's neck would never come close to the natural beauty Tamaki's mother had. Marie was beautiful in her own way—dainty, dazzling, an embodiment of a pure-bred aristocrat. Anne-Sophie was different. There was something about her that I couldn't quite place. Maybe it was the way she carried herself. It wasn't like the usual confidence and pompousness of most rich women. She had an air of humbleness and poise.

Her blonde locks were messily tied into a bun, and her indigo eyes glimmered like Tamaki's. She wore a simple peach dress with a light pink shawl. Her long fingers slid through the keys like running water.

Suddenly, the faded blue dress felt so wrong on my skin. I found myself thinking how much I paled in comparison to her presence. Numbly following Tamaki, he went on ahead and ran to his lovely mother. I barely registered his_ "Maman!" _as I glanced at the unfolded sheets that sat on the piano's music rack. _'Frédéric Chopin's Étude No. 3 in E Major, Op.10' _was elegantly scrawled on the very top of the page.

"_Bon anniversaire, mon petit," _said Anne-Sophie as she caressed her son's cheek affectionately, _"Je me réjouis pour toi!"_ Tamaki looked like he was bursting in so much joy that he couldn't speak but merely embraced his mother's waist and nestled his head on her stomach with much fondness. I felt so out of place just watching the two of them have their little moment.

I shifted my weight to my other foot as I waited for their exchange to finish. I averted my attention to one of the tall windows to my right. I could vaguely see the outlines of the French alps from where I stood. Trees were scattered across the Suou chateau, stretching out to far-off lands; all blanketed in a thin, grey fog. It was a spectacular view. As I gazed out of the window, I took a moment to remember where I really am.

Somewhere in the regions of France, I am now living a second life as a daughter from a wealthy family. It is April 8th, 1993. _I am alive._

I took a moment to breath it all in, to believe in this moment.

I closed my eyes. And opened them.

And just like that, the moment fled and I was alone.

"Rei?" Tamaki called out, who by the way was right by my face by the time I turned away from the window. I automatically pulled back in surprise, nearly blurting out a cuss (which would cause some questions and awkward explanations). "Come on, I want to you to meet _Maman!_" He did a little twirl before pushing me to his mother's direction. It probably looked very silly since we were so small.

Anne-Sophie waited patiently by the piano with one hand still placed by the white keys. Her smile was serene compared to the Yuzuru's glittering ones. I could see why Tamaki was so fond of his mother. "Hello there," She said, and I greeted her back albeit softer, "You are Rei Tanaka, yes? I have heard much about you from your friend, Tamaki. It's nice of you to come today." Her English had a heavy French accent but it only made her more endearing.

I still wasn't used to answering as a three-year old. I only talked properly to Tamaki since he was too young to be suspicious of me—but now that I know Tamaki talks about me with his parents (Of course he would, you're his only friend! Stupid, _stupid-_), I should really be more careful.

"I promised Tamaki I'd come," I weakly replied, wondering if I spoke right. "It's his birthday. He's my friend."

Tamaki was my guideline in terms of child development. There were times where I'd succeed first such as potty training, and understanding orders. It felt like an eternity when I was deemed average enough to speak my own mind. Singing the alphabet, and reading through toddler books like The Hungry Caterpillar were my stepping stones to avoid suspicion. It took a while until Hideo found out that I was more interested in books than dolls, and had promptly provided me more reading materials with Agnes 'helping' me with my vocabulary.

Anne-Sophie seemed to be in thought before she finally spoke, "Do you like Tamaki?"

_For some reason, I'm sensing this is more than an innocent question…_

Heck, I'm not sure you should even be asking this to a three year old.

I glanced at Tamaki for half a second and found him immaturely holding his breath. "Yes," I said because in truth, I really did like him. He was a good kid, and an adorable one to boot. He can be ignorant, but that was understandable since he lived a sheltered life. He clearly loves his family and those around him. If you add the parts I've read back in my fist life, I would say that Anne-Sophie did a decent job raising him.

"I like Rei too!" Tamaki remarked innocently. _Take it from Tamaki to completely skip over the 'girls have cooties' stage._

"Tamaki…" Anne-Sophie addressed her son while taking his two hands, "Do you remember our bed time fairy tales?"

"Yes! Maman read it last night! The one with the prince, princess, and the dragons!"

"Yes, that is the one, _mon petit_," His mother strained a smile but it remained unnoticed to her young son, "You'll be happy to know that our dear Rei is going to be your princess in marriage." I think Tamaki's were as wide as saucers—I wasn't sure, I was too busy choking on **air**. _(No no no, too soon, we're too _young_-)_ I _knew_ there was something more to this birthday celebration. Seeing as how the Tanaka family were the only guests in this chateau, there had to be a catch.

"Rei's a princess?!" Tamaki quickly turned his head to me as if in absolute awe. I almost feared he'd give himself a whiplash.

"All women are princesses, darling," She corrected, sounding both fond and amused at her son's antics. "Even _maman_. But… Rei will be _your_ princess. Just like _maman_ is _papa's_ princess." I could practically see the cogs in Tamaki's head turning in thought. (Oh she did _not_ just-!)

I knew Anne-Sophie herself wasn't happy at all about the situation and neither was Yuzuru, but I couldn't help but feel _wrong_ about everything. I knew I shouldn't even _be here_ in the first place and I kept worry over the what-ifs and—

"Does that mean I'm a prince?" Tamaki's eyes were glittering brightly as if that was all that mattered.

His mother could only nod quietly. The boy seemed very happy about the idea and promptly raised his fist up in the air as if waving a sword, "Did you hear that Re—Princess~?!" I felt my stomach twist in uneasiness. I didn't feel worthy of the title, never mind the fact that he was only four and he didn't know the gravity of the situation! "I'm going to be prince charming! Slay the dragon and save you from evil-"

"_I'm not a princess!"_ I blurted without thought (and loudly if I may add). An uncomfortable silence soon followed as I clenched my tiny fingers to ease myself. I knew Tamaki's mother was looking at me with concern. "I'm… I'm not…" Shit, this was going to be hard to explain.

"You don't want me to be your prince…?" Tamaki looked physically crumpled. I knew Tamaki was very fond of the stories his mother would tell him. He'd often narrate it to me with his best efforts whenever he came for a visit at the Tanaka manor. _Great. Now I feel ten times guilty._

"No—th-that's not what I mean," I replied, not even bothering to think of the consequences of the vocabulary I'm using in fear of being misunderstood, "Tamaki's a good prince! A king, even!" I added which made the boy step back in surprise. _King_—that was the host club called him. "It's just that… I'm…" My words drifted off.

(I'm not Haruhi. I'm not your princess. You're too young to understand, Tamaki_. I'm not supposed to be here._)

Tamaki was silent while Anne-Sophie bent down to gently touch my small shoulder, "What, dear…?"

_What, indeed._

What was I? A spectator? I've already lived my life once, and by reasons unknown I'm now living for the second time. And not just any life. No. I'm living in the middle of a story I've read years ago. A story I have no part in (because they could live on without me existing). I was placed in the middle of a crucial moment in Tamaki's timeline, at the height of the issue between Anne-Sophie and the main branch of the Suou family.

_My very existence probably created too many ripples to count_. I read the books during my spare time, watched a few episodes in a co-worker's house back in my first life. I wouldn't say I was a huge fan. I was just someone who needed something to do during their day off.

But I was also someone who knows what's going to happen; the illness of Anne-Sophie, the separation between mother and son, the inevitable start of Kyouya and Tamaki's friendship, the recruitment of the hosts, the start of Tamaki's influential club, Haruhi's arrival—all the intertwined events that has yet to come. I'm not planning on babbling it all to anyone—that would be stupid, and not to mention risky. The worst scenario would be a one-way trip to the mental hospital.

I guess the only thing I can do is the make sure the timeline doesn't stray too far off. There's no doubt there would be some changes, but it never hurts to try. I'd be watching from the sidelines at most. Like an observer. I'd watch over everyone and make sure everything goes smoothly.

"… I'm a station guard," I found myself saying softly. It's not much, it was enough for me. I wasn't born for the limelight.

There was something in Anne-Sophie's face that I couldn't understand but I decided not to make a big deal out of it. Instead, I turned to my young companion. "But guards are boring!" cried Tamaki, as if it was a valid reason. I guess for a four-year old it was.

"I thought I was boring," I retorted, amused. Tamaki had a habit of pointing out how I wasn't as energetic as him (it's really just you, Tamaki) and would sometimes call me boring. In a way, he was right. I didn't exactly act like a normal kid since I wasn't one (mentally) in the first place. That's why he'd double the effort to do things he deemed as fun. Like playing pretend, hide and seek, and even molding and baking clay.

"Well.. yeah, but only sometimes!" He pouted, raising a finger. "Guards are boring _all the time_! That's why you should be a princess, Rei! They're pretty and they deserve flowers! And then you can get a happily ever after too!"

Wouldn't it be easier if life were that simple?

I smiled half-heartedly. (Tamaki, you'll thank me later. Just you wait.)

"Oh? What's this?" A voice called out from the corridor,

"Papa!" Tamaki squealed, racing past me and his mother. He hugged his father's legs with much gusto. The heir of the Suou family bent down to kiss the top of his son's head, before sending Anne-Sophie a longing smile. _These three are too perfect,_ I mused. Right behind him were Hideo and Marie who were both inspecting the little details of the room they entered.

"And this is the piano parlour you spoke of?" asked Marie, faintly tracing the pearls on her neck. Her eyes widened at the sight of the blonde woman in front of her, "Ah, you must be Sophie!" She clasped her manicured fingers in delight, "I do apologize for not seeing you. Hello there, dear."

"Oh, not at all," Anne-Sophie replied meekly before greeting her back.

"Ms. Grantaine, a pleasure to meet you once again." Hideo sauntered into the parlour with a charming smile on his lips. He made no move to kiss the young woman's hand but had graced her with a small bow. Despite living in France at a longer time compared to Yuzuru who had visited the country for a business trip, he seemed to have retained the customary greetings of the Japanese business etiquette.

"Likewise, Mr. Tanaka," She replied, smiling as well.

"You've met my wife, Marie Dufaure." Hideo gestures to his side as he continued, "Heiress to the Dufaure exquisite winery, famous for their wonderful champagne and red wine in all of France." _So that's what Marie's family does…_

"In the whole _world,_ if the New Yorker and Times' comments count," Yuzuru quipped, triggering appropriate laughter from the fellow adults.

"_Enchantée__, madame."_ greeted Anne-Sophie,

"_À vous aussi," _Marie smiled back before moving on, "What is it you do, Ms. Grantaine?"

A blush dusted over the young pianist's cheeks, "Oh erm, I teach piano during my days. Sometimes, I'd play in recitals."

"Really?" gasped Marie, "Oh I do love the piano. Classical is always gorgeous but I've always preferred impressionist music from Debussy and Satie. There's just something about them…" She placed a hand on her face, "Oh, would it be a bother if I asked for a song?"

"Oh, not at all… I'd be delighted to," Anne-Sophie replied, drawing her pink shawl closer.

"Tamaki can play the piano as well," said Yuzuru, "Isn't that right, Tamaki?"

"Maman teaches me!"

"Really?" Amazement was evident on Marie's tone, "Dear, we simply must have Rei play an instrument as well." She ghosted a touch on Hideo's forearm before setting her hand down. _Cautious as ever._ I turned to Hideo with a bit of hope in my eyes. (I'd rather learn an instrument than sit at home and do absolutely nothing productive.)

"Yes, well… I've been meaning to start Rei's education for a while now," Hideo drawled out. I couldn't help but raise both of my eyebrows in doubt. "Agnes has told me personally that Rei could read books on her own now." _Ah._ _That explains things._

"What a smart girl you have," Yuzuru smiled, placing a hand on top of my head. Tamaki grinned at me then dashed towards his mother by the piano. Anne-Sophie sifted through various music sheets that had been stored under the piano seat in a hidden compartment.

"Will Tamaki be starting his education as well?" Marie inquired,

Both Yuzuru and Anne-Sophie shared a look. The present Suou heir casted his glance down and quietly replied, "Yes. It could be the same time as Rei. That way they could join each other during lessons. I will have to discuss with my mother regarding the details." He fell silent, and I couldn't help but notice Anne-Sophie's grip tightening over the music sheet she held. She looked like she wanted to say something but the presence of guests prevented her from voicing out her thoughts. A private talk would have to wait.

Marie, bless her soul, spoke up to fill in the silence. "Well, we'll talk about the children's education later. I'm sure Tamaki and Sophie would like to play for us. Let's not keep them waiting."

Yuzuru nodded in agreement, briefly muttering to himself. "Of course… Let's not keep them waiting." He snapped his fingers and in came a long stream of servants. They began arranging the stacked chairs and unfolding the tables by the cabinet. A white, silk cloth was placed over the table followed by a lovely glass vase filled with an assortment of spring flowers. Men wearing the usual waiter clothes entered in haste and added a tea pot filled with earl grey, an assortment of milk, sugar, and honey, and a tea stand for the freshly baked biscuits and tiny cakes. They managed to do all of that in less than five minutes.

I watched in amazement as the servants filed away in a straight line. Yuzuru and Hideo were the first to sit down, followed by Marie who placed her purse near her feet. I sat by the edge of the table while Marie daintily placed biscuits on the small plate (Am I ever going to get used to this?). I looked over to Tamaki and his mother who sat by the piano. They seemed to be in deep discussion.

Anne-Sophie whispered something under her breath and Tamaki would nod every now and then. Finally, the two looked at the crowd and Tamaki was more or less looking at my direction since I was close to his age. He sent me a cheeky smile. _Give the kid the center stage and he's already flaunting his feathers,_ I thought in amusement. But it wasn't that hard to see the nervousness behind his eyes. Children weren't that good with masking their true feelings.

"Fais dodo, Colas mon petit frère," Anne-Sophie sang. Her voice sounded so soft and melodious that it could be easily be mistaken as a note played on the piano. I sat back and closed my eyes as soon as the first verse started. A French lullaby.

_Fais dodo, Colas mon petit frère _

_Fais dodo, t'auras du lolo_

Vaguely, I remembered hearing this song once back when I was still an infant. One or two maids would sing this song to me just before I went to sleep. Their voices were faint now, muddled by various memories. It would only take a few years before I would forget it completely. I can't recall it as clearly as before but I remember how it soothed me back then. Back when the memories of my death were still fresh in my mind. The rawness realization of being ripped away from the life you knew, the stinging pain the minute the knife sliced my throat _and-_ I'd see glimpses of it from time to time but not as nightmarish as before.

I breathed in and out, following the lulling rhythm of the song.

_Maman est en haut, qui fait des gateaux_

_Papa est en bas, qui fait du chocolat_

I opened my eyes, noticing the difference between the way Anne-Sophie played compared to Tamaki. Anne-Sophie knew when to press lightly and flow the music freely. She was truly an experienced pianist. Tamaki on the other hand, was still new to the concept of putting pressure on the keys. He had a certain naivety and innocence in his playing that brings music to life. He possessed natural talent that I couldn't help but feel envious of.

(Now I understand why many people love hearing him play.)

_Ta sœur est en haut, qui fait des chapeaux _

_Ton frère est en bas, qui fait des nougats _

Tamaki and Anne-Sophie continued the song until its last note. I finished my cup of tea and left nothing on my plate in appreciation of the baker's biscuits. They were still fresh from the oven and were so warm even as it entered my mouth down to my throat. Mr. Suou and the Tanakas didn't seem to think much of the food but I couldn't help but feel so out of place again. The biscuits were just _so good._

_Fais dodo, Colas mon p'tit frère _

_Fais dodo, t'auras du lolo_

Tamaki's pinky struggled to hit the last few notes but he triumphed and a bright smile made its way to his lips. The song ended with the repeat of the chorus, and an applause was heard afterwards. Tamaki slid out of his seat and bowed to drink in the compliments._ This must be where he gets his arrogance later on._

"Rei!" He chirped just like usual, taking some of the cookies from the tea stand.

I resisted the urge to swat his hands away (_'But sis!' 'You know the rules! Wash your hands first before you eat!'_) but I did subtly send him a look of disapproval. And like all kids, he ignored it. He munched on the cookie and talked with his mouth full, "Let's go to the garden! Papa, _maman,_ we're gonna go to the garden!"

Much to everyone's amusement, Yuzuru pretended to consider the thought. Tamaki tugged onto his father's sleeves while repeatedly saying please which seemed to have done the young man some good. "Just remember to be back before lunch," said Yuzuru, eyes crinkling in fondness.

Tamaki promised and I was again dragged out of the room with the family butler trailing behind us.

Back in the parlour, Anne-Sophie played on.

* * *

[1]_ Désolé _- Sorry.

[2] ___Bon anniversaire, mon petit. __Je me réjouis pour toi! _- Happy birthday, my little one (boy). I am so happy for you (informal)!

[3] _À vous aussi _- As to you; To you as well.

[4]_ Fais dodo_ - An old French lullaby for children which dates back around the 18th to 19th century.


End file.
